Friday, March 03, 2006

im sorry but this is gonna be a fucked up entry cause im in a fucked up mood now.

we had combined trng (sec 1-4s) at bukit timah today. i never liked combined trngs before, i know its not up to me to choose but i just don't like it. he ask us to do all the fucking court movement, that we had done in sec 1. and now what? we are stepping down in a couple of weeks' time, and yet we are doing this again.

together with all the stupid aerobics cum agilities, duck walk and all the gest, i doubt i can even survive if he increased the volume and intensity. he's just a fucking piece of shit. "it's gonna build up our stamina and muscles and keep us fit." bah whatever. just let me grow fat and die from all the heart disease for all i fucking care.

so what if i had put my friends as priority over trngs, thats my principle. i may be stupid, i may be dumb; i may be a mood-swinger, i may be short-tempered; i may be irritating, i may even pissed you ppl off many times. moreover, i take after my father's bad points - friends are my priorty.

to me, they are more important than myself or studies or food. what i had promised my friends, i will do everything to realize it, even if it means a bad testimonal for my cca, if there's any such thing at all. i know there's a slim chance of having such worse scenario, but even if there is, i won't regret my decision.

Event + Response = Outcome
thats what they taught us in adam khoo. tzer just reminded me of that. thats what laohuang told us today, when people gives negative comments to you, just take them as positive comments, and thus improve urself.

i told myself to heed that advice, but im afraid it's a complete failure. i have been letting my emotions take over my head. i've been overreacting over small little stuff. mr leong is right, stress will come when it comes to making decisions, esp when you want to balance the both parties.

this is not the first time that im making those kind of decisions, esp when it comes to friends. it nearly took my life (just making a relation here) when i had to decide between them, even if it means just having lunch with either one. so what did i do in the end? something that people always do to run away from reality. i chose to go home, and go with neither of them. of course i've regretted when i reached home.

mr leong also said, if you can't have the world of both sides, then go ahead and believe ur own decision. that's the best decision.

i guess after typing this for a few hours, with playing games with yz & msging tzer in between, i no longer feel fucked up anymore. thankew tzer, i won't tell you abt those things anymore. cause in order for me to cheer up, you must cheer up first! x)

9:45 PM